The Attack
by JadeSyan
Summary: Team 7 gets attacked. Warning: Major crack and Luke Skywalker. R


Sakura was currently gliding over a rainbow when she was suddenly hit by an UFO (unidentified flying object). However, in her case it wasn't a spaceship, no, it was a heap of black fur that plunged its razor sharp claws into Sakura's leg.

"Naruto" Sakura yelled as she jumped around trying to shake off the beast, "don't throw your cat at me!"

"Why not? I didn't want a cat for my birthday. I wanted a bunny! A fluffy, white bunny with a pink bow on its head. Not this container for fleas!" Naruto cried as he looked at the picture of his perfect image of a pet which he found on Ebay.

Without warning Sasuke fell from the sky.

"Damn it!" he cursed, "I'm never going to skydive again especially when I forgot my parachute at home!"

He sceptically observed his surroundings noticing the rainbow.

"Hn. How can there be a rainbow. Its night?!"

"Maybe the author lives in an alternative reality…" Naruto said and shrugged.

"Well, I'm not going to comment this one" suddenly a voice erupted from no where.

"Did you hear something?" Sakura whispered scared.

"God?" Naruto asked looking up.

"No, not God just the author and sorry, I forgot to turn on the microphone. I said I'm not going to comment this one!" the author replied. With that said she then turned back to drink her tea.

"Okay, okay, let's keep this real. Author, let the rainbow disappear! I want you to write a serious story where I can finally kill my brother!" Sasuke growled.

"Ow!" Sakura yelled when the rainbow disappeared and she fell to the floor which was luckily covered by snow.

"The author has to be drunk if she's writing this. How can there be snow when its 30 degrees?" Naruto yelled desperately.

"Hey, what do you expect from me? School began a week ago, my brain is totally overworked!" the author hollered, "don't make me look stupid Naruto or I'm going to make you wear a skirt!"

"Okay, okay" Naruto sulked.

"There, happy now?" the author's voice echoed in the night when she turned down the heater.

Naruto cheered and immediately began building a snowman.

"Hey, where is Kakashi?" Sakura interrupted everyone's thoughts.

A cloud of white smoke appeared and Kakashi stood in front of them.

"I'm sorry I'm late. Today I had to save the inhabitants of Tibet from dinosaurs"

Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke just stared at him.

"That's most likely the lamest excuse you ever made" Sakura said and crossed her arms.

But they had no more time to discuss the lameness of Kakashi's excuses as Naruto's snowman suddenly sprang to life.

Kakashi leaped back while Sasuke jumped forward and pulled out his hair dryer.

"I'll take care of him. You…" he began but was interrupted by a loud crash.

Astonished everyone turned around to find that a UFO just crashed on the ground, lucky for us this one happens to be of the spaceship variety.

Slowly the door opened and an army of green, slimy aliens stepped out.

With their five eyes they looked around.

"Hey ihr da! Wo ist unser Führer? Wir wissen genau, dass ihr ihn für wissenschaftliche Experimente verwendet!" one of them hissed dangerously.

Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi sent each other confused glances.

Suddenly another alien stepped forward and whispered the one who has spoken up before something in his ear.

That one nodded understanding and pulled out a vocabulary book called 'Intergalactic Languages for Dummies.'

After a few minutes and constant skimming through he spoke up again:

"Sorry for speaking German before. Our navigation system gave us wrong information. I thought we landed in Berlin. Where is our leader? We know that you have kidnapped him and are using him for scientifically experiments"

"I'm sorry but we have no idea what you are talking about" Naruto explained.

"If you don't give him to us willingly we have to force you" a pink alien, who got stuck in the washing machine two weeks ago while he was dyeing his pants, yelled.

Suddenly a mysterious melody began playing.

From behind Naruto and Sakura came Luke Skywalker, a Ghetto blaster on his shoulder and a lightsaber in his right hand.

"Let's get this fight on" he yelled and jumped forward.

A few seconds later green heads flew through the air.

Sasuke was still busy fighting the snowman.

He dodged one of the snowballs and yelled loud when it grazed his shoulder.

He fell to his knees.

"Can't keep on fighting…I got hit" he struggled for air.

Silently Kakashi came up behind the snowman and pulled out the carrot that represented the snowman's nose.

The snowman gave a horrifying scream before it collapsed back upon itself.

"Kakashi-sensei, how did you know to defeat the snowman?" Sasuke asked in fascination.

"Hmm? Oh, I didn't know. I'm just starving" Kakashi answered casually and began making himself a fresh salad.

"The Force is strong in this one," Luke said.

Sasuke shrugged and spotted Gai and Rock Lee a few metres away who were currently circling Konohagakure two hundred times doing handstands with their arms tied behind their back.

Naruto pressed the play button on Luke Skywalker's Ghetto blaster and the theme song of Mission Impossible began playing.

"Leader, we have found you!" one alien said and lay aside his Sudoku.

Before Gai could say anything the three aliens left pulled him in the spaceship.

"Hey Ganarep, can we stop at McDonalds, I'm hungry?!" was the last thing Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Luke and Kakashi heard before their guests from outer space flew off.

Silence filled the air.

"Well, I'm off. Darth Vader wants to meet me. Something about being my father" Luke Skywalker said taking his Ghetto blaster and walking away.

"That was…strange. Why would the aliens think that Gai was their leader?" Sakura asked carefully.

"He's green and he's slimy" Kakashi pointed out as he finished the last bite of his salad.

Time seemed to stand still as he turned his head towards Rock Lee.

Lee lifted his hands in defence.

"Kakashi, I'm not what you think I am"

But Kakashi didn't listen and began chasing Lee yelling loudly "Rock Lee phone home!"

Sakura shook her head and sighed.

"Yeah, who should I kill next? Any volunteers? Any volunteers?" Naruto yelled and jumped up and down.

Slowly he lifted his head towards the sky.

"Hey author, haven't you said something about a skirt before. Never threaten Naruto Uzumaki, the future Hokage!"

Author: "Uh oh!"

* * *

**AN: Well that was my second crack fic and it was definitely weirder than my first one, maybe a bit too weird for your likings.**

**Well, let me know what you think!**

**Andi**


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